


holding on (to something real)

by cuddlyobrien



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:41:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26575432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlyobrien/pseuds/cuddlyobrien
Summary: It’s two days after Harry realizes they’re friends, a couple weeks before Christmas break. He finds Draco at their usual table, hidden in a back corner. He sinks into the chair across from Draco. “So, we’re friends.”Draco arches an eyebrow and gives him an unimpressed look. “Wow, Potter, I didn’t think I had to tell you that.”“Well.. I’m just- I didn’t think-“ Harry cuts his own stammering off with a sigh. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a breath. “I just meant, that I’m glad. I didn’t realize it. I’m glad we can be after everything that’s happened.”Draco looks like he’s going to say something harsh but instead, “I’m glad, too, Potter.”
Relationships: Dean Thomas/Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Lavender Brown/Seamus Finnigan, Pansy Parkinson/Ginny Weasley
Kudos: 221





	holding on (to something real)

**Author's Note:**

> all mistakes are mine :) song lyric is from you (remastered) by coasts

The first day of eighth year, Harry and Draco form a truce. They’ll cease the angry looks, the foul tones, the always at each others throats, and all the back and forth. Of course, they’re still Harry and Draco so they get into spats often. Mostly about Harry’s arm bumping his while they’re studying in the library. Or about how Draco wakes absurdly early, grunting out push-ups and sit-ups making Harry rip open his bed curtains and then they’re off. More importantly, they become sort of… friends. 

It surprises Harry more than anything. He doesn’t quite realize they’re friends until one day, Dean leans around Blaise and asks, “Where’s Malfoy?” As if Harry is the one to know. Harry can’t fault him, he’d spent more time with Draco in the past months than anyone else. Which isn’t fair to Ron but Harry knows Ron’s had his hands a bit full with.. well, Hermione and navigating how to spend alone time with her when they don’t share a room. 

Of course that sends Harry into a panic, wondering if people hate him. Which makes him feel guilty because people shouldn’t hate him for being friends with Draco. Draco had tried time and time again to make up for his actions. As had Pansy and Blaise. And nobody was mad at Ginny for walking into the lunch room holding hands with Parkinson. Or at Dean for getting caught making out with Blaise in a closet. Of course, he and Draco were just friends so it shouldn’t even matter.

It’s two days after Harry realizes they’re friends, a couple weeks before Christmas break. He finds Draco at their usual table, hidden in a back corner. He sinks into the chair across from Draco. “So, we’re friends.”

Draco arches an eyebrow and gives him an unimpressed look. “Wow, Potter, I didn’t think I had to tell you that.”

“Well.. I’m just- I didn’t think-“ Harry cuts his own stammering off with a sigh. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a breath. “I just meant, that I’m glad. I didn’t realize it. I’m glad we can be after everything that’s happened.”

Draco looks like he’s going to say something harsh but instead, “I’m glad, too, Potter.”

Nothing changes after that, they still study and eat lunch together and get into spats. But they smile a little easier now, no longer feeling the entire weight of what they’d done to each other. They fumble through an awkward goodbye when Harry’s leaving with Ron to the Weasley’s for the holidays. Draco rolls his eyes eventually after listening to Harry stammer for a full minute and a half, reaching a hand out and pulling Harry into a quick, tight hug. “Have a good holiday, Potter.”

“You- You, too, Malfoy.” Harry stammers before turning and walking towards Ron and Hermione, who are sporting identical grins. “Not a word. Not a fucking word.”

Harry finds it hard to concentrate on anything that holiday. He’s too caught up in his own mind, wondering if Draco is having a good Christmas. If Draco’s family is treating him well. If Draco is missing him as much as Harry misses him. 

“Don’t worry about him, Mum, he’s too busy day dreaming about Malfoy.” Ron quips and Harry’s head snaps up. 

His cheeks flame as he stammers with indignation, “I am not!”

“Oh, Mol, look at how red his cheeks are.” Arthur jokes, making Harry cover his face with both hands. 

“I’m- I’m not day dreaming about a death eater!” Harry says in anger, instantly regretting it. 

“Harry James Potter!” Molly shouts, smacking him on the head with a towel. “Draco Malfoy was a young boy who’s parents forced him into things he should’ve never been introduced to. How do you think he felt, walking down to his parents, away from all his friends and into Voldemort’s arms?”

“I know, I know. I don’t- I don’t know why I said that.” Harry forces out, swallowing the bile at the back of his throat thinking of how Draco must’ve felt with Voldemort in his house all those months. 

Christmas Day is joyous and loud and filled with so much love that Harry can barely stand it. He gives gifts and gets them in return but, he would’ve been happy even if there hadn’t been gift to be had. 

He desperately wishes Draco was there.

New Years passes quickly and before he knows it, he’s back on the train to Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione are whispering amongst themselves, giggling as they wait for the train to pull off. Harry’s staring out the window, trying to not feel as sullen as he probably looks. He looks up when the door slides open. 

“Can I sit in with you?” Draco’s mostly looking at Harry but, he casts a glance to Ron and Hermione.

“Of course.” Harry blurts, gathering up his books, scarf and mittens and throwing them in the overhead compartment. Draco settles his things in the same place before siting beside Harry and promptly opening a book. 

They stay that way, Draco reading and Harry trying hard not to stare, until Ron and Hermione fall asleep on each other. It seems as though Draco was waiting for the very moment they passed out because he marks his page and sets the book aside. “How was your Christmas?” 

“It was good. And yours?”

“Christmas can only be so good when you have Lucius as a father.” Draco says honestly and Harry’s heart hurts for him. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think. I should’ve invited you to the Weasley’s with us.” Harry hurries to say and Draco waves him off.

“I wanted to be with my Mum. It’s hard for her, to reconcile with the fact that the man she married isn’t the same man who sleeps in her bed.” Draco confessed and Harry reaches out and squeezes his wrist. “Besides, the Weasley’s probably hate me. I was on the side of the war that killed their son.” 

“That’s not true. They wish you hadn’t been forced to be there.” Harry explains, hoping Draco believe his words. “They know you were just a boy trying to please his parents.” 

Draco sends him a small smile before picking his book up and resuming. It’s not ten minutes and Harry is holding very still because Draco Malfoy has fallen asleep on his shoulder. He carefully grabs Draco’s books and marks it before pushing it between his thigh and the wall of the train. He sits still as a statue until the train comes to a halt and Draco jerks awake. 

“Sorry.” Draco mumbles, standing to his feet quickly and disappearing with his things before Harry can stand himself. 

“What’s his problem?” Ron asks around a yawn. Harry purses his lips, shrugging and staring down at the book Draco had left behind. 

“Dunno.” Harry responds, gathering his things and following Ron and Hermione to a carriage. 

Harry goes to their room by himself, waving off Ron and Hermione. Draco’s hanging his clothes, his back to the door. Harry closes the door and tosses the book onto Draco’s bed. “You left this.”

“Right. Thanks.” Draco replies, not looking over to Harry.

“Are you- Did I do something?” 

Draco snorts, “Contrary to popular belief, the world does not revolve around you, Potter.” 

“Then what’s wrong? You won’t even look at me.” Harry insists, dropping his things onto the ground.

“Nothing is wrong.” Draco says, looking up at Harry. “I just want to get my things put away.”

There’s a long pause before Harry replies, “If you say so.”

They put away their clothes and their books in silence. Harry steals glances at Draco whenever he thinks Draco isn’t going to see. (Draco sees every time he looks over.) They speak at the same time, “I don’t care that you fell asleep on my shoulder.” “I’m not mad, my Father just made it clear that he doesn’t want us being friends.”

“I’m sorry, _what_?” Harry spits out, furious that Draco’s father is still trying to control Draco’s actions. 

Draco hesitates, looking down and then back up at Harry. “I told him it wasn’t possible. That I wouldn’t give up our friendship to appease him. But- He wants nothing to do with me if I’m friends with you. It’s a hard thing to overcome, the loss of a parent who doesn’t _want_ you.” 

“Malfoy, I’m- I’m sorry.” Harry says, tone sad and eyes sympathetic. “I never thought us being friends would affect your home life.”

“Don’t be sorry, Potter. Mum will surely give him hell for months to come. I just wanted you to know why I’m being weird.” Draco explains, closing his trunk and setting it on the ground.

“Narcissa is a strong and terrifying woman.” Harry comments, making Draco huff out a laugh. 

“That she is.” 

“Probably where you get it.”

“Okay, Potter, don’t make me hit you.” 

Two weeks into the new semester, Harry is rubbing his eyes over a charms assignment. Hermione refused to help him so asking her was pointless. He lets out an annoyed sigh before Draco pushes a paper over to him. It’s his charms notes for this assignment, explaining how to do it. Harry looks over at him with thankful eyes and begins reading over his notes. 

“Harry, where did you get those?” Hermione asks in a tight voice, eyes angry.

“From me.” Draco tells her, raising his eyebrows in a challenge. “I find it hardly fair that you can tutor Ron in the subjects he’s having a hard time in but Potter shouldn’t benefit from my tutoring.”

Hermione’s face turns red and Harry snorts. Ron looks between Draco and Hermione and decides to interfere before Hermione replies. “Hermione, he has a point. You basically gave me the answers to the potions homework yesterday. Malfoy’s just letting Harry look over his notes.”

“Fine.” Hermione spits out, sending both Harry and Draco a glare before returning to her homework. 

Harry and Draco share a grin before the return to their own homework. 

January drags by, everyone trying to get into the groove of the new semester. Harry stays up some nights, muttering as he studies and scribbles notes furiously. Draco simply tells him to tell him if he’d like help and closes his bed curtains. Harry hates that Draco can get away with not driving himself crazy with studying and still make perfect scores. 

Harry drags Draco to the library with him most nights, sitting beside each other and pretending not to steal glances at each other. Harry begins to dream about Draco’s lips and his fingers and his legs that seem to go on forever. He thinks so much about kissing Draco that sometimes he’ll stare right at Draco’s lips in the library. Of course, they’re tucked in the back corner of the library so nobody sees. 

Draco pretends not to notice Harry’s staring, smirking about it in his bed at night. He can’t pretend he’s not attracted to Potter, that he hasn’t had a crush on him since the day he saw him on the platform. Of course he only started thinking about Potter’s dick inside him over the past year or two. He’s biding his time, making Potter wait for it so that when Draco does kiss him, it’ll be all the better. 

What he doesn’t bank on is Harry kissing him first. He’d just gotten back from a pick up game of quidditch with Blaise, Dean and Seamus. Draco had looked up over his book and raked his eyes over Harry’s dirty clothes with a disapproving look. “I hope you plan on showering before you get into your bed. I don’t want to smell you all night.” 

Harry rolled his eyes, tugging his clothes off right there in front of Draco. As much as Draco hated to do it, he tore his gaze away and didn’t look up again until the bathroom door had shut behind Harry. Of course he should’ve just closed his bed curtains because he nearly chokes on his spit when Harry walks out in just a low hanging towel. 

“Merlin, Potter, put some clothes on.” Draco spits out but thinks, _Please, take the towel off and let me get my hand on your dick._

Harry waves Draco off and replies, “I will, I will. I just remembered in the shower that I was supposed to let Hagrid know I’m available to help him led a class with Buckbeak tomorrow.” 

And for all that Draco’s done, he doesn’t know what good deed he did to deserve seeing Harry bend over his desk in just a towel. Draco takes a steadying breath, hoping Harry can’t feel Draco’s eyes on his ass. Draco slams his book closed and stands, “I uh, I just remembered I- I have to go.”

Draco’s about to pry the door open when Harry grabs his forearm and asks, “Where are you going?”

Draco looks at Harry and _fuck_ , Harry’s still got water dripping down his chest and his neck. He wants to lean forward and _lick it off._ “I just.. I need to… go.”

Harry looks annoyed before he says, “Do I have to do everything myself?”

And then he’s pushing Draco against the door and putting his hand around Draco’s slender neck. Draco barely has time to process what’s happening before Harry’s pulling him into a deep, wet kiss. Draco lets out a moan as tangles his hands into Harry’s hair, pulling him closer. They kiss for a long minute before Draco pulls away, his lips red and panting. “I was biding my time for that.”

“I know. I was tired of waiting.” Harry replies, smirking a bit. “I thought for sure the towel thing would work.” 

“You- You are a cheat!” Draco objects but he’s already leaning in for another long kiss. 

Draco has a fleeting thought that kissing Harry is like the first heat of summer after a long, horrible winter.   
They keep it to making out, hands wandering and sneaking small touches but never going past that. They share the same bed at night, making out until they can barely stay awake. They opt to studying in their room so they can touch freely without the prying looks of Ron and Hermione. Harry brings him chocolates and Draco helps with his charms homework. 

They sneak out for walks at night, usually involving Harry pushing Draco against a tree and kissing him senseless. They still get into spats, arguing with each other until one of them snaps and surges forward for a biting kiss. It.. works. Not they thought it wouldn’t, they’ve always been good at making this push and pull thing work the way they wanted it to. 

They spend Valentines day holed up in their room, Draco admitting he’s not quite ready for it to move past making out. Harry assuring him that just making out is perfectly fine with him and that he doesn’t want to do anything until they’re both ready for it. Draco falls even more in love with him. They both agree that they want to keep it hidden for a while, both liking the idea of stolen glances and secret kisses. 

So they hide it. And Draco is certainly not jealous when Harry tells a sixth year that he’s not seeing anyone and she asks him out on a date right then and there. Harry doesn’t look Draco’s way but he says kindly, “I’m very sorry. It’s just that- Well, I’m gay.” 

Draco’s heart soars with pride when the sixth year leaves and everyone congratulates Harry on coming out. Draco congratulates him later by telling Harry in actions rather than words that rutting against each other to get off is perfectly okay with him. Harry comes with a broken gasp and it’s Draco’s name on his lips that makes Draco come seconds later. They fall asleep wrapped so tightly around each other it’s a wonder they don’t lose circulation. 

They manage to keep it hidden for most of the semester. It’s the second week of June. McGonagall agrees to let the eighth years hold a small get together, not a party she insists, in an empty classroom. 

They’re a small class, some of them opting not to come back and some of them… Well, the war had claimed people. They play darts and dance and drink butter beer, they have _fun._ Something that they haven’t felt without a lurking danger for a long time. 

Harry wants to kiss Draco all night, wants to claim him so that people will stop asking if he likes anyone. So that the girls will stop teasing Draco about having a crush on some seventh year. (Which he doesn’t, by the way. ) But he can’t just allow himself to be happy publicly like that not when everyone is still grieving. 

Except then Harry walks in on Luna sitting on the bathroom counter with her dress pushed up and Neville’s hand up her thigh. And then once he’d apologized he finds that Pansy’s snuck Ginny into the party, they’re tucked in a corner whispering in each other’s ears. Ron and Hermione have taken to a loveseat, leaning in close and laughing at each other. Seamus and Lavender are wearing each other’s sweaters and smiling at each other like the sun shines out of their asses. Dean and Blaise are having a hard time paying attention to Draco in favor of looking at each other. And Harry notices more and more couples as he looks around the classroom.

Harry realizes then that he’s been so focused on not seeming happy that everyone had went and got happy. And suddenly, Harry has to kiss him. He can’t stop himself as he moves forward, pushing through people rather rudely. He doesn’t notice how the room goes quiet as he gets closer to Draco, who only notices him when Harry’s lips are on his.

Draco makes a surprised noise before he shoves the butter beer into Blaise’s hands and clutches onto Harry’s shirt. It’s a passionate kiss, if chaste, and Draco pulls away and swallows. “What the hell was that?”

There’s cheers and wolf whistles around the room as Harry shrugs and says, “Quite tired of hiding how much I love you.”

Draco lets out a soft gasp before pulling Harry in for another kiss, this one soft and quick. When he pulls away, he whispers, “I love you, too. Now would you please get me to someplace private?”

Harry smirks and replies, “Gladly.” 

He leads Draco past everyone, ignoring Ron’s yell to be safe. He waits until they’re just outside the room before focusing and apparating to their quiet bedroom. Draco takes a steading breath before grinning at Harry. “You’re mad, you’re absolutely mad. They’ll never leave us alone, now.” 

“I don’t care.” Harry retorts with a snort. “Besides, in case you haven’t noticed, they’re all quite in love with each other. I mean, when did Seamus and Lavender even start dating?”

“I didn’t know they were.” Draco answers, eyebrows drawn together. “Probably because I’ve spent the better of the semester staring at you.”

Harry stares at him for a moment before asking, “Do you really love me?”

“More than you know.” Draco answers, cupping his face. 

Harry turns his face and kisses the inside of his palm. “I love you, too. More than anyone has ever loved another, I imagine.” 

“Harry?”

“Hm?”

“You’re not going anywhere? You’re not going to suddenly realize that I’m Draco ‘Deatheater’ Malfoy and disappear?” Draco asks in a whispered voice. 

Harry’s face snaps back to stare at Draco with a hurt expression on his face. “No, of course not, love. I’m here. I love you. I know exactly who you are and I love you all the more for it. For overcoming your old self and becoming someone you like.”

“Promise?” 

“Hey, look at me.” Harry says softly, making Draco bring his gaze back to Harry’s eyes. “Is that why you’ve been so apprehensive? With admitting your feelings, with telling people, with.. with sex? Because you thought I was going to leave you?”

“It’s- It’s nothing against you. I would understand if you did.” Draco explains, fiddling with the bottom of Harry’s shirt. “I just thought it would hurt less if you didn’t know how much I really care for you. Or if people didn’t know. Or if you didn’t… If we didn’t..”

Harry pressed a firm kiss to Draco’s forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, love. I’m here to stay. No matter what, okay? I love you.”

“I know that, now.” Draco answers and then brings Harry in for a kiss. “I’m still not ready for.. for sex but, I wouldn’t having your cock in my mouth.”

Harry swallows hard, eyes fluttering closed and then open again. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s..-“

Draco guides them back to his bed, kissing Harry with such a ferocity that Harry feels it in his bones. They kiss for a long time before Draco’s hand is undoing the button on his pants. Harry tugs his shirt off as Draco gets frustrated and eventually uses magic to get rid of Harry’s pants and briefs. Harry makes a little noise of objection, “I’m way too naked for you to still be fully clothed.” 

“You should fix that, then.” Draco retorts and Harry uses his hands to rip Draco’s shirt open, sending buttons flying. “Harry! That was a nice shirt!” 

“I’ll buy you another.” Harry mumbles on his way to kiss down Draco’s fucking lovely neck, sucking a purple/red spot that has Draco letting out breathy little moans. “I think something was said about you sucking me off.”

“I got distracted.” Draco defends himself, pushing Harry down on the bed and kissing wet kisses down his chest. Harry’s squirming by the time Draco kisses down his stomach and all over his thighs. 

“Draco, _please_.” Harry whines, bucking his hips when Draco’s just barely runs his fingertips over the tip of Harry’s cock.

“Please, _what_?” Draco asks, his mouth hovering over Harry. 

“Please, _put your mouth on my cock_.” Harry nearly shouts and then Draco swallows him down. Harry lets out a moan so loud that Draco wonders if the silencing spell is going to conceal it. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Feels so good.”

Draco’s gagging on it, Harry being a lot bigger than Draco could’ve imagined. He’s going slow at first until Harry’s hips buck up and insists he go faster. He pins Harry’s hips down and bobs his head up and down quickly, letting his tongue slip over the tip everyone he comes up. There’s drool dripping down his chin and his jaw fucking aches but, when Harry comes with a scream of Draco’s name, he knows it was worth it. Draco sucks him through his orgasm and pulls off with a pop, swallowing and wiping his mouth off on his hand. 

“Fuck, Draco. Your fucking _mouth_.” Harry says, his eyes wide and looking like he’d just seen the light. 

Draco smirks and drops a kiss to Harry’s bared neck. “Thanks, darling.” 

He’s laying beside Harry for seconds before Harry’s rolling over, tugging Draco’s black slacks and briefs down. Draco’s hips lift off the bed at the release of his dick and he gasps when Harry starts wanking him off with a lubed up hand. 

It doesn’t take too long, Harry’s other hand gripped around Draco’s neck and Harry whispering dirty things to him. He comes, fingernails digging into Harry’s biceps and barely managing to say Harry’s name in a strangled tone. 

Harry cleans them both up, pulling the blankets up over them and pulling Draco in close. Draco yawns, tucking his face into Harry’s neck. “Love you.”

“Love you, more.” Harry whispers back. “Next time. I want your cock so far down my throat that I can’t breath.”

If Draco hadn’t just came, he’d insist Harry do it now. Instead he smiles and replies, “As you wish, darling. Give me twenty minutes and you can put your mouth wherever you like.” 

Ten years later at their Hogwarts reunion, everyone will let them know that everyone had been making bets on them since before Christmas holidays. That no one was surprised when Harry kissed Draco, only surprised that it took them that long to admit it to everyone.


End file.
